Minden Press-Herald

Sep 30th

Common Laws All Should Know

10-05_white_mugIt has been said that “laws are meant to be broken”. I’m not sure who said it, but will bet dollars to doughnuts the one comin’ up with that remark can be found serving time in a penitentiary somewhere.

While I may disagree with a particular law, it sure as heck ain’t meant to be broken. There are folks out there who carry guns, drive fast cars, and use radar devices deisigned to be sure that if you do break the law, then you are gonna pay the price. And no, I’m not speakin’ from experience…., well, I did get a ticket back in 1970. And yes, I deserved it. No, I didn’t agree the speed limit should have been 45; I was thinkin’ more around 70 to 75.

Anyway, there are laws created and enforced by man, and there are laws created and enforced by nature.
Remember the “I can’t believe it’s not butter” commercial? The reply was, “It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature!”  Of course, the thunder rolled and lightning flashed immediately after her comment.

I received an email with the following unavoidable laws of the natural universe. Sure hope you enjoy them; I’m fairly certain you will agree they are all too true.

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to run to the bathroom.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone or doorbell will ring.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

The last one is one of my own. 

20. Once you learn where the often needed item is located in the store, store officials will move it to another location before your next visit, making it almost impossible to find again.

Galen White lives in Homer. His column runs on Friday in the Minden Press-Herald.






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