Well, it's upon us again - political season. Some, not me of course, think it should be lawful to take aim at politicians from a duck blind or maybe a deer stand. I disagree. However, I do admit that the thought of occasionally thinning out their ranks, like we do in Louisiana, with alligators or nutria, does have its appeal.
I guess I inherited my humorous disdain for politics from my unconfirmed distant cousin - Will Rogers. He once said, "Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans."
Frankly, nowadays, I don't think you could get the whole lot of them to agree that any one day was Thursday. Some filibustering loudmouth would stroll to the podium and say, "Ah, Madam Speaker? I would just like to point out to my esteemed colleague that, today uh...this minute, in the U.S. Territory of Guam, it is actually Friday! So his claim that today is Thursday, well, that's just not true. I yield the remainder of my time."
My first introduction to local Louisiana politics was at an early age when my parents took me to one of those political jamborees down at our local high school. The format allowed each candidate some time at the microphone to explain his or her position on the issues.
One candidate walked to the microphone and said, "For the last four years, all I've really done is show up and pick up my check. And, if I'm reelected, I plan to continue to do that for the next four years!"
The crowd gave him a standing ovation.
I wish more candidates were as honest and forthcoming as that one. Just once, I'd like to hear a candidate say, "If I'm elected, I plan to spend the bribe money I get on red-headed prostitutes and in support of my addiction to prescription pain killers. The rest of it I plan to keep in my refrigerator freezer until such time I can retire to a small island in the Caribbean."
Wouldn't it be nice to know a little something more about the person you were voting for? Maybe they could do it like they do on racing forms where you can read how the horse did in its last race and the drugs it's taking?
Then you could walk into the voting booth holding a ballot that read: "Congressional Candidate - District 4 (Republican, won last race by 4,212 votes, bribery, red-headed prostitutes, freezer money, Percocet).
While I do poke fun at them, not all politicians are bad. Some would get my vote over Mother Teresa.
I remember when my older brother Ben came home from school one day and proudly announced that he had been elected class reporter. Mama asked him, "How'd that happen?" Ben answered, "I was the only one that raised my hand."
I asked a county judge in Texarkana years ago if he was donating to the Republican or the Democratic candidate. He said, "Both! I give money to both sides."
I asked him why. He said, "Because one of them is going to win..."
Some get into politics because they have a genuine desire to help people. Others want in because of the power and influence that follows. I guess I should just be happy that some good ones occasionally raise their hands.