Minden Press-Herald

Oct 01st

The Big Blow

Disclaimer: I am not insensitive to the potential disaster those in the path of Hurricane Sandy are facing. But...

It's more than a little sad that the monster storm has picked the center of intellectual elitism and blowhardism as the target for her hard blowing winds and accompanying rainfall/flooding, but it's sadder still that some have decided to make her a political issue.

We haven't been able to verify in the mainstream media (surprise, surprise) what we've picked up on some social media sites, but it's our understanding that Attorney General Eric Holder has been ordered to sue the Republican Party. Why, you surely wonder?

According to those allegedly in the know, Holder will claim that Sandy is the product of Republican drives to suppress voter turnout in the November presidential election. Wait, you say. Sandy will be long gone by the first Tuesday. Yes, we say. But the aftermath, which will certainly include power problems, are among the many catastrophes Easterners will be facing.

No power, no ballot booths. Flooded roadways, no get-out-the-vote buses. In short, it will be a mess and according to Chairperson of the DNC Debbie Wasserman Schultz, anything that's a mess can be readily traced to those pesky Repubs.

Maybe it's not too late to take what could be the east coast's only answer to the potential disaster. If both Republicans and Democrats could agree to open the outside, eastern facing doors of both houses of Congress and engage in debate over, well, anything, all the outflowing hot air might just be sufficient to send Sandy into the Atlantic.

With this Congress, anything is possible...excluding, of course, a common sense approach to the problems we face. Anyone who expects this Congress to bring productivity to the podium is the same individual who expects to find his cat waiting at the door, wagging its tail and holding slippers in its mouth.

Getting' closer

Time's running out for Americans to determine just who is better suited to lead this country for the next four years. Polls continue to show Mitt Romney holding anything from a very slim to as much as a five point lead over President Barak Obama. We have no idea which of those polls is accurate, but there is one thing for certain; those numbers will be (to steal a quote) "all over the map."

At this point, we would be more inclined to believe Granny Clampett's prognosticating possum. One of our Golden Triangle friends claims his method of selecting winners has been 100 percent accurate for the last 40 years, and he's willing to allow the professionals to borrow same.

In typical Southern fashion, he arranges photos of the major candidates in a circle. In the middle of that circle he places an armadillo on its back and gives it a spin. Our friend pulls the lever on whichever photo the 'dillo's nose lands. We have to admit that method is as scientifically accurate as MSNBC.


If you're wondering what will determine the outcome of this year's presidential race, just ask MSNBC's Chris Matthews. According to Captain Tingles, the race will be decided by race.

According to a piece in The Hill, Matthews, former speech writer for Jimmy "I ain't leavin' the Rose Garden" Carter, has singled out the racist right/white southerners as the big elephant in the election room.

"Their number one enemy in the world right now, on the right, is their hatred – hatred for Obama," Matthews ranted after last week's Debaclebate Three. "And we can go into that about the white working class in the South and looking at these numbers we're getting the last couple days about racial hatred in many cases...isn't about being a better president, they want to get rid of this president."

There you have it, southern friends. It's all about us. And we thought that war fought when the North invaded America ended decades ago.

Pat Culverhouse is a journalist and political columnist who lives in Minden. You may contact him at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .






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